February 16, 2007

Good morning, a new day dawns for us. I recently suffered defeat. My old nemesis, PTSD, made an appearance again yesterday, and I went home in humiliation. I felt, more than that, I cried from the shame of it. I asked; here is what I received this morning:
“Oh, foolish Galatians! What magician has cast an evil spell on you? For you used to see the meaning of Jesus Christ's death as clearly as though I had shown you a signboard with a picture of Christ dying on the cross. 2 Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by keeping the law? Of course not, for the Holy Spirit came upon you only after you believed the message you heard about Christ. 3 Have you lost your senses? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 You have suffered so much for the Good News. Surely it was not in vain, was it? Are you now going to just throw it all away?” (Galations 3:1-4)
Then I received Dr. Kennedy’s message this morning also. The question stands out. Have I once again fallen into the trap of trying to become perfect by my own human effort? From the shame I experienced yesterday, I would have to say that would be a ‘yes’. I have to wonder if the sudden attacks of stress reactions that I experience are not a safety in my mind, a shedding of load if you will. I cannot handle in my own strength all that is demanded of me at work, in school, and of my own self. So in my super self critical thinking, I am ashamed of my imperfection. Why? I am reminded of John 3:17, the verse lost behind the very famous 3:16 that even the world can quote. It says this: “God did not send his son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.” Why do I then condemn myself? The wisdom of the world, pure and simple, trains us to make perfect through practice, stand up for ourselves, and many other proverbs that you have heard many times. We are commanded in the world to do our best. What happens when our best falls short? In his word God reminds us that our best has never been good enough. We cannot save ourselves and we cannot keep the law; therefore we should not smother our selves with condemnation. One of the most difficult things to do is to forgive our very own self, to let go of that pride which would remind us of every little flaw and failure. I asked yesterday where the joy was that I was promised in Christ. Right where it has always been; it is in a closer relationship with Him. Think of that prideful self-condemnation as a big bumper which prevents you from coming closer to Jesus. In your despair you reach out to him and that bumper bounces you away. Ask, as I did and must continue to do, for his strength and wisdom to remove that pride and self-condemnation.

Rejoice in the state of grace we live in through Jesus Christ, our Lord,

Bucky

Dr. Kennedy's devotional is from:
http://www.coralridge.org/nem/NEMdevotional.asp